[ He'd never considered himself the type capable of murder, and yet? Here he is.
Heh...
He'd really thought the worst of those kinds of people, too - the kinds capable of taking another person's life? But, then... well... Shadow happened. He wasn't able to hate him. In fact, he'd thought about it so much, he realized that easily could have been him.
He could have done that, he thought, and that's where it all spiraled right into a dark place; the place where the desire to kill, for the sake of putting his life back to the way it had been, rested.
He'd learned what he could from Kurama and Erhard, and it had all been so innocently portrayed. It was a matter of making up his own blend of tea that he'd use to drug Takumi. Then, he'd make it quick - as painless as possible.
... But, then, came the flaw in his plan.
A miscalculation on just how willing Ryuji would be to leave him the fuck alone for even... Augh!!!
Fortunately, he could play off his tension as being due to what he was told. And... heh. Damn it. In the end, he can't deny Ryuji, of all people, being an-... an option...
He takes another long sip of the tea. No. He can't... can he? ]
... Hey, Ryuji?
[ Akira's voice is quiet, his gaze resting on the sky. ]
[ To be fair, things could have gone worse. He knew that Akira would take it badly, knowing just how many of him there are in the Foundation. Hell, Ryuji knows that he wouldn't have taken it as well as Akira did, but then Akira was special. Even without the memories of all the time they spent together, running, going into palaces, playing video games, eating beef bowls, Akira is still Akira.
He's one of the people that Ryuji trusts the most.
But here they are, on this balcony, just spending time and talking. Sure the fated hour is fast approaching and they should probably get back to his room with Ann, but... this should be fine? They can spend the night out here and hopefully, in the morning, both of them can find out that no one killed anybody during the night. That this little game is over and things can go back to some sense of normalcy.
Or well, as normal as things would get in the Foundation.
(Viva la revolution.)
He's looking up at the moon, thinking how nice it is to do this with Akira, as he takes another sip of his tea. At Akira's voice, he turns to look at him. ]
Akira's smile is frozen in place for just a fraction of a second. He's moving to lean against the rail as he closes his eyes, taking a deep breath. ]
... If you... had several versions of yourself...
[ He hates how his own voice sounds, even starting this. ]
How do you think you'd feel? Knowing there are multiple yous and that you're no longer the only Ryuji to your friends? Or...
[ ... Fuck, where is he even going with this? Hahaha... man... He really is pathetic, in the end. Just a level 1 among some level 99s, is what it feels like.
And, in the end, he knows he'll never amount to the real deal. Not being stuck with the Foundation, and without those same experiences that drew Joker close to the team. He'll only ever know those kinds of things through stories.
He's no hero.
Just the shadow of one - no, the carbon copy of one, left to be picked up and moved to wherever he's fucking needed. Even this Ryuji...
... Does he really see him as a separate Akira, or is the only reason he gives a fraction of a shit about him... because... he's seeing that other Akira...? ]
[ Oh, so he guesses that Akira isn't handling this as well as he thought. Shit. What kind of friend is he thinking that Akira has got this? This is a lot to take in, in addition to being brought to the Foundation, to being sent on missions, to being forced to take part in this messed up game. His smile drops and he studies Akira seriously.
He can do this. He can help his friend. ]
No, it's something to think about.
[ Ryuji takes a deep breath and sighs. ] I mean, I sorta know what you feel like. I'm the one who effed up, who didn't remind you enough that we needed to go into the Palace so we can meet our deadline. Knowin' that Ann comes from a timeline where that doesn't happen?
It's... kinda messing me up. [ a beat ] Try as she might to help, I still wonder if I could ever forgive myself for it.
[ Firming himself up here ]
Even if you don't have the same experiences that I do, you're still Akira. You saved me when you didn't even know who I was.
[ Nudges his shoulder with his ] You were the first friend I had for a long time, and you can always talk with me about anything.
[ Ryuji is trying hard to not to panic here because THERE IS A LOT GOING ON IN AKIRA'S LAST STATEMENT. OK, he can handle this, just gotta tackle this one thing at a time.
Starting with the most important one first. ]
Don't you think I know that? I know you're not him. I mean, when we first got here, I thought you were because... [ GESTURES ] but we got that sorted out pretty quickly. Look, you're your own Akira, with your own Ryuji, and you were gonna have your own Ann eventually if the Foundation didn't pull you outta there. But I'm not gonna treat you any differently just because you're different. No matter what, you're my friend. Akira, you can't compare yourself to my Akira or Ann's Akira.
[ a pause as his face grows a bit red ]
I mean, it was you that got me to see that you could be... hot, instead of just good-lookin'.
[ The look in his eyes could probably give the impression that at least some of that got through to him...
Or maybe it's the smile he gives? Even if there's something sad to it - sad and distant, even. It's that last part, however, that has him actually blinking a little... and then glancing to the side.
Something wry enters the smile on his lips. With a soft 'heh' he's going to move to sit on the stone railing. To think this is how his confession was gonna go...
... and to think he might not get another chance (does he really deserve one?)...
Heh... fuck it? Fuck it. ]
Speak for yourself...
[ Without warning beyond that, he's reaching out, gently tugging the front of Ryuji's shirt as he leans to simply. Try kissing him?? ]
[ Welp, that's sure telling. He's pulling back, letting out a soft 'heh'. For a moment, he's studying a random spot off to the side, his cheeks flushed.
There is a definite tension in his form as he clears his throat. All the while, his brain remains fixated on some of those words--
But I'm not gonna treat you any differently just because you're different. No matter what, you're my friend.
So, basically, he's just deciding that for himself, while claiming he sees him as different. In spite of claiming he believes they're different, he's just assuming this Akira can be trusted as this same heroic guy. Contradictory as fuck, isn't it...?
More bitterness.
More burning determination.
He doesn't want these thoughts - deep down, he knows they're wrong, but what about any of this game is right? They're spiraling into awful scenarios, one after another, and... heh. He knows there's a chance the misfortune reversal promise could be a lie, but what in life isn't a gamble?
[ Kissing Akira oh god why are his lips soft holy fuck Ryuji's brain isn't equipped to handle this right now what should he do he shou--
Oh. Akira pulled away.
Face is definitely redder than anything ever right now as he coughs and tries to clear his throat. He knows he should say something but his mind is still replaying the feeling of Akira's lips on his. (so soft) ]
L-Look, Akira... [ Voice cracks, eyes widen as he coughs again. So fucking smooth, amirite? ]
Akira... look, my mind's an effin' mess right now. I just barely found out that this is sorta a date? Maybe? And that you like me? And, don't get me wrong, I appreciate the fact that a guy as hot and good-lookin' as you wants to date a fuck-up like me, but I don't think I can give you an answer right now.
[ Squaring himself up and getting right in front of Akira, closing space as he grabs him into a tight hug. After a second, he pulls away slightly and looks him in the eyes. ]
But I promise ya, I'll think about this. You. Me. Us...? And I'll give you an answer as soon as I can.
[ Honestly, maybe in a timeline where he hadn't just gone through everything he's been going through...
... Maybe if this had happened closer to the beginning, even...
... ... Were it anything different in a different time in a different way, maybe he wouldn't be letting out a slightly tense breath. There's just something slightly off in the way he gives a dim smile. Something a little distant in his eyes as he nods. ]
Okay.
[ His gaze lowers as he looks away. ]
... Let's talk about something else, for now. Think anyone's gonna... take the bait, this time?
[ Turns around and leans back against the railing next to Akira. He leans his head back and looks up at the sky. Wow, the moon sure is beautiful tonight. ]
Heh, of course I do! We figured out most of the tricks as we went along, but here's something pretty simple that we can do right now.
[ he takes a small step away from akira to create some space before he gets on the railing, slowly working his way to standing. ok sue him, he's not the primary thief of the operation, but he can still do basic thief things! once he stands up, he looks down at akira and proudly grins!
[ Things are back on track, Akira is getting his mind off things and Ryuji is glad to see that. They're balancing, being idiots, like normal, when he feels Akira's hand on his chest and then balance is being lost and-- ]
Shit, Akira, be careful!
[ Ryuji is reaching out to grab Akira, not realizing that he's pulling him down with him. He thought Akira just lost his balance, that it was inexperience that was the factor here. He didn't know that it was on purpose.
The second he's grabbed - even the second he's finding himself unable to catch the railing and stop the fall, it kind of clicks into place. This was a shitty plan, all along. But there's no time to really process that realization.
Even after hitting the ground, all that comes to mind is pain.
Then, all he can think is that he did this; he did this for nothing.
One conversation flashes to his mind: that one about how he'd never stab someone in a kidney. There's a bitter, grim smirk as he shakily reaches for the knife in his pants pocket. He barely fucking manages to open it. Then, with the last of his energy, he's stabbing Ryuji. Maybe he can at least make it quicker?
Or maybe this is now nothing more than a bitter irony.
As a choked sound escapes, he tries to throw the knife. It's not long after his hand drops, his last breath escapes him. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Heh...
He'd really thought the worst of those kinds of people, too - the kinds capable of taking another person's life? But, then... well... Shadow happened. He wasn't able to hate him. In fact, he'd thought about it so much, he realized that easily could have been him.
He could have done that, he thought, and that's where it all spiraled right into a dark place; the place where the desire to kill, for the sake of putting his life back to the way it had been, rested.
He'd learned what he could from Kurama and Erhard, and it had all been so innocently portrayed. It was a matter of making up his own blend of tea that he'd use to drug Takumi. Then, he'd make it quick - as painless as possible.
... But, then, came the flaw in his plan.
A miscalculation on just how willing Ryuji would be to leave him the fuck alone for even... Augh!!!
Fortunately, he could play off his tension as being due to what he was told. And... heh. Damn it. In the end, he can't deny Ryuji, of all people, being an-... an option...
He takes another long sip of the tea. No. He can't... can he? ]
... Hey, Ryuji?
[ Akira's voice is quiet, his gaze resting on the sky. ]
no subject
He's one of the people that Ryuji trusts the most.
But here they are, on this balcony, just spending time and talking. Sure the fated hour is fast approaching and they should probably get back to his room with Ann, but... this should be fine? They can spend the night out here and hopefully, in the morning, both of them can find out that no one killed anybody during the night. That this little game is over and things can go back to some sense of normalcy.
Or well, as normal as things would get in the Foundation.
(Viva la revolution.)
He's looking up at the moon, thinking how nice it is to do this with Akira, as he takes another sip of his tea. At Akira's voice, he turns to look at him. ]
Yeah, bud, what is it?
no subject
Akira's smile is frozen in place for just a fraction of a second. He's moving to lean against the rail as he closes his eyes, taking a deep breath. ]
... If you... had several versions of yourself...
[ He hates how his own voice sounds, even starting this. ]
How do you think you'd feel? Knowing there are multiple yous and that you're no longer the only Ryuji to your friends? Or...
[ ... Fuck, where is he even going with this? Hahaha... man... He really is pathetic, in the end. Just a level 1 among some level 99s, is what it feels like.
And, in the end, he knows he'll never amount to the real deal. Not being stuck with the Foundation, and without those same experiences that drew Joker close to the team. He'll only ever know those kinds of things through stories.
He's no hero.
Just the shadow of one - no, the carbon copy of one, left to be picked up and moved to wherever he's fucking needed. Even this Ryuji...
... Does he really see him as a separate Akira, or is the only reason he gives a fraction of a shit about him... because... he's seeing that other Akira...? ]
... Never mind.
no subject
He can do this. He can help his friend. ]
No, it's something to think about.
[ Ryuji takes a deep breath and sighs. ] I mean, I sorta know what you feel like. I'm the one who effed up, who didn't remind you enough that we needed to go into the Palace so we can meet our deadline. Knowin' that Ann comes from a timeline where that doesn't happen?
It's... kinda messing me up. [ a beat ] Try as she might to help, I still wonder if I could ever forgive myself for it.
[ Firming himself up here ]
Even if you don't have the same experiences that I do, you're still Akira. You saved me when you didn't even know who I was.
[ Nudges his shoulder with his ] You were the first friend I had for a long time, and you can always talk with me about anything.
Don't hold back, alright?
no subject
Hearing those words, his brain only zeroing in on certain parts; he... is blaming himself for something Akira screwed up at. So...
... What?
They see him as so pathetic, so pitiful, that he needs reminders on something like a deadline to a Palace infiltration? Heh...
... so...
Ryuji thinks of him as his charge, then? Someone to babysit?
It's awful, he knows, to actual feel a little better, looking at things that way. But... looking at it that way means...
... Well, it doesn't hurt so much?
Don't hold back...
Akira's smile is distant. ]
Anything, huh...?
[ He stares straight ahead for a moment. ]
... You're a good person, Ryuji.
[ One hand lifts to rest on his shoulder. ]
I think... if we had just hung out a lot in the Foundation - if we'd never ended up here? - I would have wound up asking you out on a proper date.
[ There's some distance to his smirk. Something sad underneath all the bitterness and anger. ]
no subject
D-Date?! What?!
no subject
That big of a shock, huh?
[ With that, he's moving to lean backwards against the rail, stretching back a little to stare straight up. ]
Heh... You really didn't realize what I meant during the trial...
[ There's an unreadable kind of smile on his lips. He's ignoring the ache in his chest. ]
I was telling you that you've got a lot going for you. That I find you cute - like that. But, I get it...
I'm not him.
no subject
[ Ryuji is trying hard to not to panic here because THERE IS A LOT GOING ON IN AKIRA'S LAST STATEMENT. OK, he can handle this, just gotta tackle this one thing at a time.
Starting with the most important one first. ]
Don't you think I know that? I know you're not him. I mean, when we first got here, I thought you were because... [ GESTURES ] but we got that sorted out pretty quickly. Look, you're your own Akira, with your own Ryuji, and you were gonna have your own Ann eventually if the Foundation didn't pull you outta there. But I'm not gonna treat you any differently just because you're different. No matter what, you're my friend. Akira, you can't compare yourself to my Akira or Ann's Akira.
[ a pause as his face grows a bit red ]
I mean, it was you that got me to see that you could be... hot, instead of just good-lookin'.
no subject
Or maybe it's the smile he gives? Even if there's something sad to it - sad and distant, even. It's that last part, however, that has him actually blinking a little... and then glancing to the side.
Something wry enters the smile on his lips. With a soft 'heh' he's going to move to sit on the stone railing. To think this is how his confession was gonna go...
... and to think he might not get another chance (does he really deserve one?)...
Heh... fuck it? Fuck it. ]
Speak for yourself...
[ Without warning beyond that, he's reaching out, gently tugging the front of Ryuji's shirt as he leans to simply. Try kissing him?? ]
no subject
no subject
There is a definite tension in his form as he clears his throat. All the while, his brain remains fixated on some of those words--
But I'm not gonna treat you any differently just because you're different. No matter what, you're my friend.
So, basically, he's just deciding that for himself, while claiming he sees him as different. In spite of claiming he believes they're different, he's just assuming this Akira can be trusted as this same heroic guy. Contradictory as fuck, isn't it...?
More bitterness.
More burning determination.
He doesn't want these thoughts - deep down, he knows they're wrong, but what about any of this game is right? They're spiraling into awful scenarios, one after another, and... heh. He knows there's a chance the misfortune reversal promise could be a lie, but what in life isn't a gamble?
Yes, he's being quiet.
No, he isn't paying attention to that detail. ]
no subject
Oh. Akira pulled away.
Face is definitely redder than anything ever right now as he coughs and tries to clear his throat. He knows he should say something but his mind is still replaying the feeling of Akira's lips on his. (so soft) ]
L-Look, Akira... [ Voice cracks, eyes widen as he coughs again. So fucking smooth, amirite? ]
Akira... look, my mind's an effin' mess right now. I just barely found out that this is sorta a date? Maybe? And that you like me? And, don't get me wrong, I appreciate the fact that a guy as hot and good-lookin' as you wants to date a fuck-up like me, but I don't think I can give you an answer right now.
[ Squaring himself up and getting right in front of Akira, closing space as he grabs him into a tight hug. After a second, he pulls away slightly and looks him in the eyes. ]
But I promise ya, I'll think about this. You. Me. Us...? And I'll give you an answer as soon as I can.
no subject
... Maybe if this had happened closer to the beginning, even...
... ... Were it anything different in a different time in a different way, maybe he wouldn't be letting out a slightly tense breath. There's just something slightly off in the way he gives a dim smile. Something a little distant in his eyes as he nods. ]
Okay.
[ His gaze lowers as he looks away. ]
... Let's talk about something else, for now. Think anyone's gonna... take the bait, this time?
no subject
[ Turns around and leans back against the railing next to Akira. He leans his head back and looks up at the sky. Wow, the moon sure is beautiful tonight. ]
All this murder and shit is pretty messed up.
no subject
Yeah... super messed up...
[ Now he's falling quiet, leaning back a little, his gaze lowering to the ground. He stares for a while. ]
Hey... Ryuji.
[ That smile is just a bit to the side, leaning against Not Right, but he's moving a little too quickly for it to be properly seen, perhaps. ]
Why don't you show me some fancy Senpai stuff? Got any cool thief tricks up your sleeve?
1/2
no subject
[ he takes a small step away from akira to create some space before he gets on the railing, slowly working his way to standing. ok sue him, he's not the primary thief of the operation, but he can still do basic thief things! once he stands up, he looks down at akira and proudly grins!
LOOK AT HOW COOL I AM ]
Wanna try it?
no subject
Maybe he's nervous? Who knows.
Either way, there's a nod as he gives a dim sort of grin. Then, he's moving to climb onto the railing. ]
All right...
[ For just a moment, his expression falters. His lips press together tightly, and there's a moment where he has to work to keep balance, but then...?
He's jerkily reaching out, hand curling against the blond's shirt, and...
Well, put simply, if all goes as planned, Ryuji's getting shoved off the rail, and towards the ground. ]
no subject
Shit, Akira, be careful!
[ Ryuji is reaching out to grab Akira, not realizing that he's pulling him down with him. He thought Akira just lost his balance, that it was inexperience that was the factor here. He didn't know that it was on purpose.
Akira would never kill him.
But here they go, plummeting to their deaths. ]
no subject
... Well, that's it, isn't it?
The second he's grabbed - even the second he's finding himself unable to catch the railing and stop the fall, it kind of clicks into place. This was a shitty plan, all along. But there's no time to really process that realization.
Even after hitting the ground, all that comes to mind is pain.
Then, all he can think is that he did this; he did this for nothing.
One conversation flashes to his mind: that one about how he'd never stab someone in a kidney. There's a bitter, grim smirk as he shakily reaches for the knife in his pants pocket. He barely fucking manages to open it. Then, with the last of his energy, he's stabbing Ryuji. Maybe he can at least make it quicker?
Or maybe this is now nothing more than a bitter irony.
As a choked sound escapes, he tries to throw the knife. It's not long after his hand drops, his last breath escapes him. ]