Round 4: confessions camera

[foundationmods]

This is where you can post anything your character says in the confessions camera room. The room is soundproof, and nobody on-site will be able to see or hear anything they say in there. Everyone outside of the site will see what is said, though.

We're keeping this post unlocked so everyone can see, since previous round characters will be able to see anything said here. Just remember that stuff mentioned in here won't be known to characters participating in the round unless the character tells someone about it outside of the confession room.

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Week 4, Friday Evening

[scarsnstripes]

[It's been A week. It's been a long, painful, stressful week, and there's a tiredness in Atsushi's face that doesn't quite meet his eyes.

He's still got hope, after all.]

This... was the seventh full moon since I joined the foundation.

[He leans back in his chair, running a hand through white strands of hair interspersed with the rare streak of black on one side. Tiger stripes. He'd never looked 'human' to the foundation, probably.]

You know... I know what you might be thinking. What a monster, he's a threat to everyone around him. I've heard it all, you know. I can't even properly convince myself it isn't true, not really. But it wasn't always like this.

[His hands come together now, lacing his fingers quietly but tightly enough that the knuckles turn white.]

Where I grew up... I was locked up, chained, drugged. I was beaten and mistreated, all to prepare me for facing the world with this ability I didn't even know I had until I was 18 and on the streets. I don't know if it ever had the intended effect. I don't think it did. I still hate myself after all, no matter how much he intended otherwise.

But then Dazai-san offered me a job. The Agency took me in.

[He smiles softly, wistfully.]

The Armed Detective Agency, where I worked... they saved me. Gave me a home. Safety... maybe even a family, I'm starting to realize. And the president had a gift that allowed all of us to control our own abilities. I never had to fear losing control and harming the people I cared about, until I came here. I could protect people without fear I'd kill them in trying.

[There's a hint of bitterness there in his voice. Self-loathing, too.]

I know we don't seem human to a lot of you, and I know my turning into a violent beast on live TV probably makes some of you feel like it's justified. But I wasn't like this in my world. I had control, I was never a threat to anyone who didn't hurt me first. The Foundation took that away from me and made me into this.

[There's a crack in his voice, betraying the cracks in his soul. The fractures scattered about the psyche of someone who'd already been in the process of getting pieced together once before, until the foundation took a sledgehammer to that repair job.

He might have been able to make out the shape of it, once. He's not sure he'll be able to again.]

Maybe... think about that. Think about how cruel that is, to take someone away from the only home they've ever had and take their sense of safety and control away, too. To cage a person like a wild beast, to make them fear themselves and their own emotions every waking moment. Because I don't want to hurt anyone. I never have.

[He takes a deep shaking breath, pushing himself to his feet.]

All I can hope is that someday I won't have to be afraid like this anymore.